My life has changed so drastically in the last 48 hours, it all seems so surreal. I feel as though I am standing off to the side watching someone who looks like me struggle through what is by far the worst point in her life, yet it can’t be me – it just can’t. In the past 24 hours alone I have experienced more in life than I had ever excepted to, things I never thought I would…
• I never thought the man I loved would literally walk away from our marriage without trying; I am shocked by how cold he was when left.
• I never thought I would be calling around to find a divorce attorney.
• I never thought I would be sitting in an attorney’s office discussing the demise of my marriage and how to proceed. (Incidentally, I live in a “no fault divorce” state, so in the eyes of the court it does not matter that my husband committed adultery… I wish I lived in a different state!!!!)
• I never thought I would file for divorce - not ever! Yep, you heard me right – I filled papers late yesterday afternoon. My husband left our marriage long ago; he has proven he had no intention of ever even trying to work things out; he has said he wants to be with her. No one can say I didn’t try – I did everything I could, but I cannot make him try; I cannot make him love me. So, I took what dignity I had left and I filed for divorce!
• I never thought I would be describing my husband to a process server so that he could be served with divorce papers. He will be served today at work. I do feel bad that it has to happen there, but I truly have no idea where he is staying and his work address was the only one I knew.
• I never thought I would be digging through piles of bills and financial records, only to discover how deep his lies have really gone over the seven years of our marriage. He has lied about so much, it is blowing my mind.
• I never thought I was married to a person who was so finanically irresponsible. I thought he was taking care of me, of us and our future. This was all a lie.
I have come to realize that the man I know and love is not the man I am married to; that man left a long time ago (assuming he ever really existed in the first place). Please pray for me!
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Oh, sweet woman, please know that you are not alone. I was in your situation just over a year ago. You will survive. It doesn't feel like it, but you will. And then at some point you will thrive again. I don't know your name or where you live. But I am praying for you. Our Father knows who you are. I am praying.
ReplyDelete“Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them.” -aristotle
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear all that you are going through. I have been in your shoes at one low point in my life and it was so hard to pick up and start over. I managed to get through it just like you will and I am once again married but with two precious kids this time. It is still so very hard to trust after having been cheated on, but I know it is not my current husbands fault, but it is still so hard. I have doubts and questions all the time. I am still working on this internal issue, but it does get better and I can honestly say life does go on and it does get better. May God bless you and all of the great friends and family that you have supporting you along the way.
ReplyDeleteYour family and friends will help to see you through. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, call when you want to laugh or cry, and continue to move forward with strength and determination!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and am here for you. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you. You can move out here with us and we will take good care of you! :)
ReplyDeleteI think of you daily
ReplyDeleteHere I sit at this screen with different shards of my own. Just turned 50 and feel very alone. Devoted my life to the kids and they turned out fabulous!!. Married the high school sweethard after many years of on and off relationship. Thought he wanted the same as I did, but after the second child was around two, although he still lived in the same house he became a complete and total stranger. Since he was an alcoholic I didn't want to risk a custody battle earlier in life because I knew I had no control when they were in his "care". I think there should be another entry box to check on forms "single married parent" with a larger tax deduction. I guess there are many forms of shards but I know we will both recover. I hope to find new friends and start on self improvement, learn new hobbies, etc. But I would really like to find a web site to chat with people with similar experiences. Please do not think all men are of the same pot, because they aren't. Unfortunately we found the selfish, self center ones, but there are many of them out there that are sincere, caring, loving, paitent, and devoted. I just hope we both find ours someday.
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