Several wise women have told me over the last several weeks that I needed to just get mad – really, really mad. I truly did try but on the occasions that I was mad, the feeling quickly faded back to despair. However, I can now officially say that the anger, no make that rage, has arrived!!!
My husband told me two weeks ago that he was to meet with Dr. Frog yesterday at 5:00, so reasonably I expected that he would be home around 6:30ish. So 8:00 o’clock came around and he still wasn’t here, nor did he call. I cried for a good 45 minutes. I am not sure why, I guess I just felt sad, frustrated, alone, etc. etc. etc. I realize he no longer has to be “accountable” to me as to where he is; however, I can’t just turn that off. I can’t not worry that he’s dead in a ditch or something. So he finally got home about 9:15 (thank God I was no longer crying – I was hunky dory watching the season finale of my favorite show, Big Brother, which I had recorded last week.) So he walks in like some big pimp ~ all happy go lucky with not a care in the world.
Him: “Oh Big Brother, who was in the finals?”
Me: “Jordan & Natalie.”
Him: “That’s surprising!”
Me: “How was your night?”
Him: “Fine.”
Me: “What did you do?”
Him: “Umm, just some computer things and stuff.”
Me: “Are you lying?”
Him: “Yah, kind of.”
Me: “So you were at your girlfriend’s?”
Him: “Yah, I was at Amy’s house.” Then he just kind of smirked at me.
When he said it I had this feeling of wanting to vomit but then suddenly this feeling turned into complete rage!! I did not say another word; I just focused on watching T.V. The more I stared at the T.V. the angrier I got. Who the Hell does he think he is? Does he think we are now buddies or something? Well I can assure you that we are NOT!!
I cannot believe he has the audacity to act like our life together never existed. That is not okay!!!
I cannot believe he has the audacity to “play” with her and then just walk back into this house like he belongs here. That is not okay!!!
I cannot believe he has the audacity to treat me like a piece of trash. That is not ok!!!
She is trash; she is the one sleeping with a married man. Yes, he is a married man until the day our divorce is final whether he chooses to act like it or not!
I no longer have any desire whatsoever to reconcile with this pig of a man.
He disgusts me.
He is scum.
He deserves nothing better than his white trash ho of a girlfriend!
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Finally you're mad! Stay mad and make him miserable, too! Mourn the loss of your marriage and friend later, for now, focus on getting yourself through this.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't deserve you anyway.... and apparently never did!
I'm sorry it had to turn out this way but, at least you can now move forward!
Let him and his HO rot in Hell!
SJ
I have been praying for this day. The day you realize you are better off without him, because he checked out a long time ago and you deserve to move on...and up!! God Bless!
ReplyDeleteIts a good thing you are mad now! I know how you feel, it is a horrible feeling when they seem so cold and you cant get through to them or understand why they are that way. Its hard for us to comprehend how they can be so "checked out" of a relationship so suddenly. What an A@@....I am so sorry you are going through this. It isnt fun, but you will make it, keep your head up and stay mad. In fact, are you sure there isnt anything you can do to get him out of the house?
ReplyDeleteYour husband is an asshole. Good for you for getting mad. It sounds like it's time to start fighting for yourself and counting down the days until he doesn't have to come "home" after he's been with what's her face. He really is a jerk and I think if I knew him and saw him, I would spit on his face.
ReplyDeletewooooohoooo Sista! Your finally good and pissed off and in the mode you need to stay in until this divorce is FINAL!
ReplyDeleteYAY for you for getting mad & staying mad!! I'm so proud of you!! I know you still care about him, but try not to let HIM know/see it. Everytime you ask how he is or what he did all night, you're just giving him satisfaction. I'm sure he is loving the fact that there are 2 women that care about him. Personally, it makes me SICK that he is treating you this way and that he has turned into such a scumbag. Keep your head held high & focus on the next step; even if you have to take one day at a time. You WILL get thru this & I will be here to help you every step of the way. :)
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