Witty Words Wednesday #3

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

~ Woody Allen

Meet Wilda

On the advice of an ever faithful reader, Lesli, (who incidentally brought a smile to my tear stricken face more times than I can count in the "early days") I decided to do a bit of updating to the blog. I have a new blog description, a new "about me", and even a new name - Wilda, which was the brainchild of another faithful reader, Blm Mom #2. So, what do you think of the changes?

UPDATE
Question: "Where does the name 'Wilda' come from?"

Answer: Hmmm, well I didn't come up with it but I guess I was thinking that "Wilda" comes from Bewildered, as in the middle... WILD with an “a” at the end rather than an “er”. Blm Mom #2, am I correct?

Life Is About the Journey ~ 100th post!!

It’s hard to believe that this is my one hundredth post. When I started this blog it was to be my place of solace – a place to express my feelings, vent my frustrations, and plead for prayer in hopes that divine intervention would save my marriage. While it certainly was all of those things, it ended up being so much more. I truly believe this blog is what saved me from loosing my mind – it was the counselor that I didn’t go to and the comments written by all of you were the healing words that helped to mend my heart. What I didn’t realize at the time that I started this blog, which I now truly do understand, is that this is what was supposed to happen in my life. When all of you were lifting me up in prayer, God was healing me and helping me to better trust His plan for my life, which had nothing to do with saving my marriage. For quite some time “planner me” had a difficult time accepting this, but once I did I gained greater clarity than I could have ever hoped for.

I have just spent the last several hours rereading every single post and each and every comment ~ what a journey it has been! I truly feel that I am at a place where I could stop blogging and be okay, since my purpose for writing no longer exists. However, knowing that each and every day there are people who find themselves in the situation I was in on the day this blog began, I feel called to continue. Life may never be exactly what we expect of it, but that’s why it truly is a journey. While I still invite all of you join me as I put the shards of my once broken life back together, I know that “back together” will look nothing like it did before the explosion, nor would I hope for it to. My blog is no longer about putting a broken marriage back together, but rather forging ahead. It’s about me and my new life - nearly 30, nearly divorced, and nearly okay!

Sassy Song Sunday: Best Days of Your Life by Kellie Pickler

With two family Christmases down and one more today, Soon-To-Be Mr. Ex has come up several times in conversation. Regardless of which side of the family I was with, the overwhelming sentiment expressed by my relatives seems to be the same… Soon-To-Be Mr. Ex will regret his decision one day. With that thought in mind, I give you today’s sassy song - Best Days of Your Life by Kellie Pickler.

Flashback

Due to “peer pressure” from a few of my coworkers I just started reading the book Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. As shocking as it may sound (and yes, my three high school age cousins were shocked), I have never seen the movie nor did I ever have a desire to. I am only on page 40, so I can’t really give a review at this point, only to say that it is defiantly getting me into teenage girl mindset. As I sit here on my parents couch, Twilight on my lap, I feel as though I am having a flashback to the late 90’s. I took several creative writing courses in high school and used to write a lot of poetry, part of my teenage angst I suppose. I no longer have copies of the poems and honestly remember very few; however, there are some that stuck with me. For your reading pleasure, a flashback into my teenage girl mind:


Prince of Shattered Hearts

You’re the player of all players.
You’re the prince of shattered hearts.
You’re the god who crushes all the girls,
I knew it from the start.
I went ahead and fell for you,
Although I don’t know why.
I guess it must have been the sweet way
That you spoke the lie.
So now I sit here all alone,
Feeling oh so blue.
And you’re out with another girl,
And soon you’ll play her too.
But I think you better wakeup,
Cause soon your gonna find.
A girl who acts the same as you,
And likes to mess with minds.
This girl, she’s gonna knock you down,
And me, I’m gonna smirk.
Cause then you’ll know just how it feels
To have fallen for a jerk.

Where I'm Supposed To Be

I am a horrible gift wrapper, so often times I will use gift bags. Last night I was putting something into a gift bag that I was reusing from last year and the tag said: from Bewildered & Soon-To-Be Mr. Ex. I started at it for a moment, struck by the fact that a person can be in your life one minute and then gone in the next. Then I quickly ripped off the tag and threw it away. It’s kind of odd because I expected to feel sad at Christmas, but here I sit on Christmas Eve morning and I don’t feel sad at all. Oddly enough, I even feel a little joyful. I don’t believe in coincidences – God has everything planned for us. This is exactly what was supposed to happen and I am exactly where He wants me to be. How can I be sad about that?

Breaking the News

I decided last week that it was time to tell the parents of my students that I was getting a divorce. They had known something was going on, based on the number of absences I had when I first found out of Soon To Be Mr. Ex’s transgressions and many had asked if I was okay. At the time I simply said that I was fine and to please respect my privacy; I told them that in time I would let them know what was going on. Here is what I wrote in my final classroom newsletter of 2009…

In late August I learned that my husband of seven years had been having an on-going relationship with a female coworker. Despite my desire for reconciliation, rooted firmly in a strong faith in God and His plan, we were unable to save our marriage and in mid September filed for divorce. While I had hoped for a speedy resolution which would have made our dissolution final prior to the first of the year, this has not been the case.

Thank you so much for all your prayers over the past several months, particularly when you had no idea what was actually going on. Please continue to pray. With no family in the area, your children have truly been a source of comfort and joy to me during this trying time. This is not something I have discussed with the students, I will leave it up to you what (if anything) you would like to tell them.

Sassy Song Sunday: Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood

It seems everywhere I turn these days someone is saying to me, “oh I have the perfect guy to set you up with”. Today’s song, Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood, is great advice as I venture into this new stage of life!

How Life Can Change

It’s never more obvious that you are getting divorced until the holiday greeting cards begin coming in addressed to one or the other but not both of you. What’s even odder are the cards that come in still addressed to the two of you… someone needs to clue those people in! The other day, as I addressed my own Christmas cards, I had a very surreal moment glancing over the list from last year to determine who I would send cards to. I know this is what everyone says after a life changing event, but truly if you would have told me at this time last year that by this Christmas my husband would have committed adultery and we would have filed for divorce, I would have laughed out loud. In fact, I would have laughed so hard I probably would have wet my pants! I would now have that exact same reaction if you told me we would ever get back together again… my, oh my, how life can change on a dime.

Witty Words Wednesday #2

“Exes are like Slinkies, they are no fun until you push them down the stairs!”

~ Anonymous

31 Days (and counting)

In 31 days I will turn 30. I used to think 30 sounded so old, and I guess maybe I still do since I often refer to it as “twenty-ten” (it sounds less daunting that way, LOL!) This is not exactly the plan I had for my life or the place I thought I would be in at 30, but it is and that’s okay. With that said, I don’t ever want to have regrets which is why I need some input. For those of you who are already 30, what’s the one thing (big or small) you wish you would have done in your 20’s that you didn’t get accomplished? For those who aren’t yet 30, what’s the one big thing you want to do before you get there?

Sassy Song Sunday: Famous in a Small Town by Miranda Lambert & Small Town by John Mellencamp

In light of previous posts this week, today’s Sassy Song Sunday is all about me. I had a really difficult time selecting a song, so I went with two… one country (which I love and belted out in concert with my “microphone” ~ great memories C & C) and the other a little classic rock, which I grew up listening to and always makes me think of my dad. Here’s to family, friends, and perseverance. Here’s to small towns!

Superwoman of the Snow (part 3)

Oddly enough not long after my second post last night my dad called to see how my shoveling had gone. I immediately burst into tears and told him all about my frustrations, to which I got his infamous suck it up pep-talk. Now, usually when my dad goes into his football coach mode it upsets me even more, but this time it was exactly what I needed. This morning I marched back outside, shovel in hand and quickly reclaimed the path I had made the day before. Then this evening Soon To Be Mr. Ex showed me how to use the snowblower and get this… I did the rest of the driveway and all of the sidewalk (which is a big deal since we live on a large corner lot) and I actually thought it was super fun! The small town girl in me prevailed and I truly do feel like Superwoman. After all, if I (queen of girly girls) can shovel and use the snowblower, I can do anything. Bring it on world!!!

Superwoman of the Snow (part 2)

Well, I’m not feeling all that much like a Superwoman anymore. The snow has all drifted back into the driveway (in some spots now higher than before I even shoveled) and I am feeling grumpy and frustrated. It’s now dark and cold – very cold, and I do not want to go back out there again, particularly with only a shovel (damn the complicated snowblower!!!) And here’s the real kicker… Soon To Be Mr. Ex called again a little bit ago and when I saw his number pop up I actually thought he was calling to say the roads weren’t too bad and he was going to come home tonight rather than stay with her again and I felt relieved because I knew the snow would get removed! But, in actuality he was calling to say he was taking $100 out of the bank account. I am feeling very alone right now and am having a total “I hate my life” moment!

Superwoman of the Snow

We had a fairly significant snow storm yesterday with blowing snow and blizzard like conditions today. As a result Soon To Be Mr. Ex did not come home last night and he called earlier today to say he would not be home tonight either. I’ll be honest, I was happy that he wasn’t coming home, but it also meant that for the first time in my nearly 30 years of life, I was going to have to do snow removal. I briefly considered calling someone whom I could pay to come over and do it, but then I decided that I was going to do it myself, if nothing else simply to prove that I could. Plus, we have a snowblower and I’m a highly educated woman, so how hard could it be? Well sadly, even a masters degree cannot help you figure out how to run a snowblower (I’m a bit embarrassed that I just admitted that... if anyone can come over and show me how to use it, I would REALLY appreciate it!!) so I had to use the trusty shovel instead. I called my dad and got some advice and then set out on my “adventure”. Despite the fact that I live on a corner lot, my only goal was to do the driveway and I am proud to say that I DID IT!! Granted, the snow is still blowing around like crazy so I am going to have to go do it again later, and it certainly is not perfect but the point is that I did it… I feel like some sort of Superwoman of the Snow (hopefully my hard work does allow me to actually get out of the driveway in the morning)!

Too Small Town

Do you suppose that being raised in a small town makes you different than someone who’s raised in the city regardless of where you live as an adult? Soon To Be Mr Ex told me the other evening that I was “too small town”. I’ll admit it, I do have some quirks (I think they are part of my charm, LOL) and when they come out I joke, that it’s the small town girl in me. The thing is anyone from a small town can relate to these quirks where perhaps someone from a city cannot. Yes, I worry about how things look, what people think, and I’ve been known to get caught up in gossip more times than I can count. But, I would also argue that there are extremely positive things that I attribute to being raised in a small town too… I am close to my immediate family – I speak with them multiple times a week and even have fairly regular contact with my extended family too (gasp!!) I am friendly and trusting – I will speak to people on the street, wave to acquaintances, and until I went to college had never worried about locking my doors… yes, I’ve even been known to leave the car running as I jet into the grocery store or post office! I have conservative values – I believe in family time, dinners together, traditions, and prayer. Not to mention all the random things I’ve learned from growing up in a small town… I know how to drive on gravel, ride a horse (thanks Blm Family #2 for teaching me), what all four H’s in 4H stand for, and I can “make do” when a recipes calls for something I don’t have and the grocery store is already closed! By no means am I implying that if you’re from the city you don’t have these “small town” charms, but in the case of Soon To Be Mr. Ex, he did not.

Although I am not entirely sure what being “too Small Town” means, I am a small town girl at heart and that’s okay with me. Not long after all of this began, when I was trying to sort it out and for the life of me could not understand how someone would walk away from a seven year marriage without a second thought, my aunt said to me, “He’s from the city, he’s not small town – he doesn’t think like us.” The thing is, she was right ~ way to call it SJ!

The Battle

Have you ever had a question that continues to run through your mind again and again until it takes on a kind of life of its own? It creeps out of your mind and into your mouth and sits right on the tip of your tongue, smoldering – daring you to give it a voice. Part of you wants to take the dare, but another part of you is challenging yourself not to. It’s one of those what is this questions: Option A… Option B… or something in-between, a sort of Option C? You tell yourself over and over that it really doesn’t matter which option it is, but yet if it doesn’t matter then why not just ask the question? Is it because you yourself don’t know which answer you want or is it because you actually do know and that’s why you don’t want to ask? I would say in most cases, at least for me, it’s the latter. I feel as if Type A Girl and her alter ego, New Me, are having some type of intense battle, each is provoking the other but neither is making any sort of advance on their opponents ground.

Sassy Song Sunday: To Be With You by Mr. Big

Do you have an all-time favorite song? You know, one that you crank up each time you hear it on the radio and then you sing it at the top of your lungs? One that every time you hear it at a wedding reception you get all excited and drag your date to the dance floor? I think everyone has one of these “secret songs” (whether they want to admit it or not, LOL) – mine is To Be With You by Mr. Big. In fact, when I was in middle school one of my friends and I both loved this song, along with (Everything I Do) I Do For You by Bryan Adams, so much that we used to take turns calling into a local radio station and requesting them for each other (shout-out to you, Popsicle!!) Anyway, as I sit here listening to Mr. Big's words, they are actually quite applicable to my life… now all I need is a guy who will serenade me!

O Christmas Tree

Well, it’s certainly not the big Christmas tree that I usually have, but it’s a tree none the less. This is actually the “snowman tree” that I usually put in the entryway along with my colossal collection of snowmen, hence the other snowmen items I got out. Although it is somewhat of a “Charlie Brown tree” (note its lopsidedness), I still think it’s cute. What do you think? (Oh, and sorry, I couldn’t get the cat to get out of the picture… she loves “her” Christmas tree!)

Witty Words Wednesday

I love quotes (must be the teacher in me) and have come across some really great ones over the past several months. Some deal with divorce, exes, and spite, while others refer to love, lust, and loneliness. So, I give you the first installment of Witty Words Wednesday…


"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere – a kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air.”

~ Dr. Alex Karev
Grey’s Anatomy

Getting More Specific

Recently I described the “perfect man” that I am looking for. Just for kicks, I decided to get more specific. I know that I will likely never find a man that encompasses the five things that I am truly looking for (noted in "What I'm Looking For”) as well as all (or even 50%) of these things but a girl can dream, right!?

In addition to the five “must haves” I also want someone who posses at least a few of these characteristics…

* Enjoys spending time together doing “nothing”. (This is a biggie because honestly, it’s the small things in life that make me the happiest!)

* Likes to travel. (I love traveling, whether it’s a weekend getaway, or a full fledge vacation; Soon To Be Mr. Ex never enjoyed this.)

* Buys me flowers now and again. (In nine years, I received flowers from him once, which is sad because he knew how much I love flowers and truly would have preferred those to other more expensive gifts.)

* Likes to cook ~ or at least has a willingness to do it with me. (I love to cook and think it would be really fun to do it together!)

* Likes to go out to eat. (Although I love cooking, I also enjoy going out to eat. Soon To Be Mr. Ex didn’t enjoy this too much ~ odd, I know!)

* Likes movies. (Watching movies is one of my favorite things to do, whether it’s in the theater or at home on DVD – Soon To Be Mr. Ex was never all that into watching movies together.)

* Likes to play cards. (Okay, this one is silly. However, my family has this card game that we always play – very cut-throat, hahaha. Soon To Be Mr. Ex rarely played this game willingly and when he did play he acted as though we were torturing him.)

* Opens doors for me. (I admit it, this one is totally cheesy but I am a romantic and would love a guy who opens doors… car doors, restaurant doors - any doors)

* Someone who likes baseball – it is my favorite sport and America’s pastime for Pete Sakes! (If I took this a step further I would say if he would be a St. Louis Cardinals fan that would rock, but clearly I’ve made exceptions in this area in the past.)

* Someone who wears a uniform! (Oh yes, I am a sucker for a uniform!! My first choice would be a cop, but heck – I even think the UPS guy is hot in his uniform so really any will do!)