The Radio

As I traveled over Thanksgiving weekend, I listened to the radio. I realize many of you are wondering what's the big deal about this, after all most people do listen to the radio when they travel. However, I have not listened to the actual radio for nearly three months. It was like every song was tied to a memory of the past nine years and I just couldn’t hear those songs without becoming emotional (sad, angry, annoyed, etc.); therefore, I have only been listening to the CD that my brother made for me. I realize I sound like somewhat of a nut but it felt so “freeing” to be able to listen to the radio again and not get emotional about it. I guess the joy of life is found in the small things. Yay for me!!

Sassy Song Sunday: Obla Di Obla Da by The Beatles

Today’s song is Obla Di Obla Da by The Beatles. Recently when I was home for Thanksgiving I ran into a former coworker (shout-out to Gas N Mor) who had just found out about Soon To Be Mr. Ex’s infidelity and our pending divorce. She was so sad – tears in her eyes and telling me over and over how sorry she was. It was so sweet because I know that she genuinely meant this from the bottom of her heart. But, it was also comical because I ended up comforting her - hugging her and telling her not to cry because I was fine and everything really was okay. Life goes on!

Family Traditions

I love traditions! In my eyes they symbolize strength and continuity, connecting both the past and the present in an unbroken bond. My love of tradition transcended into my marriage. I wanted to continue the traditions instilled in me growing up and also build traditions that belonged to Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I that we would pass on to our children. One of the traditions that my family embraced growing up that Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I also did was to put up our Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend. This is a tradition I have carried out every year of my life for the past 28 years and this year, for the very first time, I am not doing it. Soon To Be Mr. Ex does not want to put up a tree this year. Part of me wants to say “screw you” and put it up anyone, but another part of me wonders what the point of putting it up would really be.

Dating At 30

Okay, I’m not actually 30 yet but with less than two months until the big day, I’m certainly knocking on the door! What exactly constitutes “dating” when you’re 30? I haven’t been on an actual date (you know - where you worry about what to wear and say and whether or not there is food in your teeth) for nine years. Nine years! I don’t even remember how to flirt – yikes! Plus, I’m thinking that dating at 30 is very different than dating at 20, simply because you are at a different place in life. Dating at 20 was full of parties and bars and doing very stupid things! I’ll be honest – that was really fun; however, I don’t want to do that anymore. Not that I’m saying I don’t drink (those who know me and my love of martinis and wine are laughing out loud at that implication). I am just saying I am at a more settled place in life than I was back then. I know I am totally over thinking this, but that is the Type A girl coming out in me (despite my attempts at silencing her)! Remember months ago when I said that I did not want to be in this “starting over” place in life? I could not have been more wrong! I am beyond thrilled to be here… I’m just not sure how to proceed.

Happy 23rd of the Month!

Wow – three months today! I remember, when this all “began” people would tell me that I was lucky that I found out when I did, rather than ten years from now or after we had kids. I would smile politely, nod my head and say “yah, I know” but really I was secretly cursing the person in my head. (Sorry, but I was.) I can tell you now with absolute certainty that those people were 100% correct and I am now saying the same thing! Recently I was speaking to someone whom I’ve met since all of this started and the person, whose sibling has gone through a somewhat similar situation, commented that they were amazed by how “normal” and “not soured” I was. How funny, is that!? The truth is there is absolutely nothing that excuses infidelity; what Soon To Be Mr. Ex did was wrong – in my eyes and God’s. However, what’s done is done. Plus as I have said from day one, I believe wholeheartedly that everything happens for a reason, even when we don’t understand what the reason is. The reason is now clear as a bell. Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I wanted very different things out of life and in all probability our marriage would have ended due to those differences (i.e. I wanted kids and contrary to what he was telling me, he didn’t) once they had been revealed even if he had never had an affair. So what good does it do me to be a Man-Despising-Marriage-Hater? Not much! Its funny how once you move into true acceptance, the anger just vanishes and you can welcome your new life ~ whatever it brings, even if it’s different than “the plan”. Happy (yes HAPPY) 23rd of the month!!!

Sassy Song Sunday: These Boots Are Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra

Today’s song is These Boots Are Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra. While 100% applicable to the situation, this one is really all about me. I am a firm believer in “retail therapy” and have always wanted a pair of high heeled black boots ~ the really sexy ones that zip up to your knee. Recently I bought myself a pair and wore them out for the first time this weekend. They make me feel HOT and I recommend every woman get themselves a pair. So, here’s to my boots!

Girls Weekend

I’ve heard from some of my regular readers (you know who you are – LOL!!) that I have been slacking on my posting. I’ll admit it, I have. So, this week I will do my best to update you on some of the things that have been going on with me…

I had a wonderful girls weekend last week ~ shopping, lunching, an amazing massage (thank you SJ for treating), and a hilarious evening at the Blue Moon Dueling Pianos Bar. One of the things they do at the bar is post a “phrase of the night” on a mirror behind one of the pianos. The first phrase costs $1 and then you have to pay one dollar more to change the phrase each time. During the evening we had a good riddance toast (with super yummy martinis – I highly recommend the “parrot”, or what others might call the “patriot” hahahah) to Soon To Be Mr. Ex and then a few of my pals paid to have this put up as a surprise for me…




(Thanks ladies for keeping the humor train moving!!)

The Answers I’ve Been Waiting For

Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I sat down this evening to discuss a proposed divorce settlement (we are trying to settle rather than go to court). In addition to the financial discussion, we also talked (I mean really truly talked) for the very first time since this all began.

I said a lot of the things that I have wanted to say and to an extent finally got some of the answers I have longed for. I told him many of the things that I had realized about our relationship (noted in post “In Love with the Dream”) – and he felt remarkably similar. I went on to say though that this DID NOT IN ANY WAY excuse his actions and that it was “very hurtful” that he had an affair rather than just talking to me about how he felt. He said that he understood that and that he would handle things differently if he were to do it over. (Not exactly an apology, but probably the closest I will ever get.) He also admitted many of the things I had speculated about… he had no intention of me ever finding out about his affair and that he had been “living in the moment” and did not go into his relationship with her with the intention of getting a divorce from me. I talked about the fact that I felt like he had been living a double life and that I couldn’t understand why he continued to plan for a future with me if he was so unhappy. He said that it wasn’t that he was unhappy but that he doesn’t think marriage is right for him (odd that it took him 7 years of marriage to figure that one out) and that he can’t see himself ever getting married again. The real stunner was that he didn’t want kids and that even though he had thought he did when we got married, he realized later that he actually didn’t. Wow!!

It’s kind of strange but I now have such a feeling of peace.

Divorce Cake

One of my very favorite shows is Cake Boss on TLC. It amazes me what Buddy and his staff can do with cake! I recently stumbled upon “Divorce Cakes”. Although this is not a Carlo’s Bakery creation, it’s still a pretty good one!

Sassy Song Sunday: Goodbye Earl by The Dixie Chicks

Today’s song is Goodbye Earl by The Dixie Chicks. The video makes me laugh, but since I couldn’t post it I found this one with a group of friends making their own spoof and lip-syncing – very funny! Whether he is a beater (like "Earl") or a cheater (like Soon To Be Mr. Ex) I certainly DO NOT advocate “offing” the guy! This song to me is about friendship – the friends that are there for you when you really need them just like Mary Ann is for Wanda. So I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to all my Mary Anns!!

What I’m Looking For

In light of my recent self-revelation, I decided I should probably figure out what it is that I’m really looking for. Every female has a picture of their “perfect man” – it might be that they have a specific look or certain personality traits, or a combination of the two. As I evaluate my life and think about what I truly do want in a man, I’ve realized that there are five things that I am looking for…

1) A nice guy ~ but not one who is all Mr. Rodgers. I want someone who is both a “mans man” when he’s with his buddies and a give you the shirt off his back kind of person. (Do guys like this exist in real life or only in the movies?)

2) Someone who makes me laugh.

3) Someone who values his family.

4) Someone who likes kids.

5) Someone who is ambitious with a passion for life.


Pretty simple, don’t you think? (If you know any single guys in the age range of 29-39 who meet these "criteria", please send them my way!)

So, my dear readers, is anyone else up for describing their “perfect man”?

In Love with the Dream

I was home sick today, which left me with lots of time for reflection. Here is what I realized… There is a distinct difference between loving someone and being in love with them and honestly, I don’t think I have been “in love” with my husband for some time. (Incidentally, I no longer like referring to him as “my husband”, so let’s call him “Soon To Be Mr. Ex”.) Let me be completely clear, I believe strongly that marriage is about a commitment and I was and would have remained 100% committed to my marriage and Soon To Be Mr. Ex until the day that I died. I am not ashamed to say that I wholeheartedly wanted to work things out with him and I was committed to doing so if he would have agreed. I would have never done what he did and, while I am no longer angry I am not yet in a place to say that I can forgive him for his actions. However, I have gained the ability to step back and look at the situation for what it is. At some point you have to ask yourself when do you stop wishing your significant other would act a certain way or be a certain way. When do you realize that you either accept the person for who they are/have become or you move on. You cannot force someone to be a person that they are not, that’s not fair to them or to you. In college Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I made a great couple, we had fun and life was easy. But as the years have passed we have become less and less of a “perfect match”. Quite honestly, I often found myself wishing he were someone else – not in the way that I had a certain person in mind, but in that there were certain characters and actions that I longed for in my mate as I got older, which he simply didn’t possess. If I can say I feel this way, I have no doubt that he's had some of these same feelings as well.

I have realized that, while I may no longer have been in love with Soon To Be Mr. Ex, I was in love with the dream. It’s no secret, I am a Type A personality – I always have a plan and it’s hard for me to deviate from that (while “new me” is certainly trying to embrace spontaneity and realize that it is OK not have a plan for everything in life!!!) I was in love with a dream that I thought we were both living, but in truth that’s not the case. I was in love with something that didn’t truly exist and admitting that makes me feel very powerful! I can tell you with absolute certainty, while this was not “in the plan” I now am beginning to believe that it was the best thing that could have ever happened.

The Name Game

Well, dear readers, you’ll all be glad to know that I have made a decision in the great debate over keeping my married name, which we will call “Waechter” or taking back my maiden name, which we will call “Smith”.

I appreciate all of you who weighed in on the issue and gave your two-cents. I considered each of your opinions as I tried to decipher my own. One commenter asked me to consider which name I was more proud of. Quite honestly, I have done nothing to dishonor either name – I feel proud of myself as both names. Oddly enough, I associate the name “Waechter” with my “teacher self” rather than my “married self”, perhaps because in “teacher world” I am known more by my last name than my first.

However, what it came down to was this… I am obviously not looking for a serious relationship right away. I want to take things slow and figure out who I am while having some fun. But, I am only 29 and do expect that at some point I will get married again. It may sound silly, but I want to start that new life with my future husband without the visual reminder of my past for all of our friends and family to see on our wedding invitations and programs. With that said, the verdict is in… I’m going to back to “Smith”. (JMJ – are you super pumped, or what!?)

Need a Good Laugh?

I was sitting watching T.V. last night and a commercial came on that was so funny I actually rewound (thanks to the genius who invented TiVo/DVR) and watched it again. I then went and found the video online so that I could share it with all of you! If you need a good laugh, you should watch it – I promise you won’t be sorry!!!

Video Title: Don’t Be Promiscuous

http://www.thewaytohappiness.org/#/videos/dont-be-promiscuous

Sassy Song Sunday: Kerosene by Miranda Lambert

Today’s song is Kerosene by Miranda Lambert. Hands down, Miranda Lambert is one of my favorite country artists and in fact, she has a few other songs that will eventually have their day on Sassy Song Sunday. This song, in my opinion, is the one that made Miranda famous and it’s about cheating so, there you go! This is a live version, but the video is so awesome and you don’t really get the whole jest of the song without seeing the video, so I am posting a link for it too. Enjoy!




Link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RWbW29nmU4

Man Crazy (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

****WARNING****
If you are related to me, know me personally, or are even someone who does not know me but would feel uncomfortable knowing my most intimate thoughts, then STOP READING!! This is for your own good and so that you don’t feel embarrassed the next time we see each other. You’ve been warned… read on at your own risk!!!
****WARNING****

As a teenager I was very boy crazy. I had a different crush every month or so and there was one guy whom I never actually dated but instead had an undying “love” for all throughout high school. (My high school girlfriends are likely laughing because they know just who I am referring too!) I met my husband in college when I was 20 and married him when I was 22. (Dang, I didn’t think so at the time, but we sure were young!) Needless to say, all of my 20’s were spent thinking only of him. Now that I, for all intensive purposes am a single woman, I am starting to become “man crazy” (“boy crazy” sounds a bit too creepy at 29). I fantasize about random men that I see out and about and I actually dream about these guys who I don’t even know. I must say that, while I have said good riddance to my husband and truly did mean it, there are certain things that I miss… a lot!

Happily Ever After Endings

I have a friend who is a tremendously talented woman. She is an amazing wife, mother, teacher, and writer. The stories she writes are incredibly inspiring and I know with all my heart that she will be famous author someday. Several weeks ago she posed this question to the readers of her blog (http://katieganshert.blogspot.com): If you could make one fairytale or fable come true with yourself in it, which would you pick?

It’s difficult for me to answer this question. You would think in my situation I would no longer believe in fairy tales, but this isn’t the case. My husband wasn’t my knight in shining armor or my prince on a white horse, but he did help shape the person I am today. I refuse to stay jaded forever; this isn’t to say I’m not going to have major trust issues to overcome, but I am a romantic at heart. My fairy tale is waiting. I know there is a wonderful man out there whom God has chosen for me. Someday we will meet and fall in love and have our happily ever after ending.

How I’m Doing

In a post nearly three weeks ago I made reference to the five stages of grief. Despite what a few anonymous commenters appear to believe (which I addressed in comments from previous posts this evening), I truly feel that I am at acceptance. I no longer pine for my husband or the way things used to be. While I agree that at times I do seem to dwell on his actions and reasons behind them, this is all part of the process. In essence, my husband was leading a double life. We had a good marriage, beautiful home, successful careers, terrific friends; the list goes on and on. We were looking into taking a cruise and were planning to start trying for a baby later this spring. While my husband was doing all of these things with me, he was also having a sexual relationship with another woman. God only knows the lies he told her about me and our marriage, or why he did what he did. I may never know the answers to these things and, in all honesty, maybe that’s better. I dwell on these things not as a way to avoid the reality of the situation or to drag things on longer than is best for me or everyone else, but because I use this blog as my time to vent these frustrations. I am sorry that my musings make some of you question my motives but, honestly – if it makes you that uncomfortable then stop reading!

So how am I really doing? I think I am doing pretty darn good! I feel better than I have in a long time, and with each passing week I get better and better. I am feeling positive and upbeat again, much like my old self. I feel strong (yes, STRONG) and I realize that life goes on, and it’s up to me to make the choice to enjoy it! Sure, there are times that I am sad - I hear a song on the radio or someone will say something that takes me back to when things where “normal” (or to when I thought they were) and I will crumble. However, I am no longer dry-heaving into a bowl (wasn’t that a fun night J.C. & M.G.!!). I am excited to be exploring the “new me” and am thrilled for the adventures that lay ahead. I have realized that my dreams did not die with my husband; they still exist and they will come true, but they will not be with him. And that, my friends, is okay!

Rules (1-5) for Surviving Divorce

On the night it premiered in early October, I went with friends to the movie Zombieland. It was one very unlike those I usually like, but I loved it! It made me laugh more than I had in weeks. I’ve learned a lot since that night, so in the spirit of the movie I give you my first five rules for surviving divorce. I’ll add more as time goes on. Also, please remember, these are MY RULES… they work for me, even if they wouldn’t work for you…

1. Lean on your family and close friends, they can get you through anything!

2. Keep laughing ~ humor (even that which is “inappropriate”) makes YOU feel better!

3. Embrace the “new you” (even when she is totally unlike “old you”) ~ weekly girls nights, wine, spontaneous choices… the whole shebang!

4. Take the advice and opinions of others with a grain of salt!

5. It’s okay to cry, but “don’t let yourself be a victim”! (Thanks Jennifer (who doesn’t read the blog) for sharing that one with me.)

Sassy Song Sunday: Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift

Today’s song is Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift. I have liked this song since it was released and now it’s one I can truly relate to! In fact, the other day I took a Facebook quiz to see which Taylor Swift song I was and it was this one (shocking, I know)!