In a post nearly three weeks ago I made reference to the five stages of grief. Despite what a few anonymous commenters appear to believe (which I addressed in comments from previous posts this evening), I truly feel that I am at acceptance. I no longer pine for my husband or the way things used to be. While I agree that at times I do seem to dwell on his actions and reasons behind them, this is all part of the process. In essence, my husband was leading a double life. We had a good marriage, beautiful home, successful careers, terrific friends; the list goes on and on. We were looking into taking a cruise and were planning to start trying for a baby later this spring. While my husband was doing all of these things with me, he was also having a sexual relationship with another woman. God only knows the lies he told her about me and our marriage, or why he did what he did. I may never know the answers to these things and, in all honesty, maybe that’s better. I dwell on these things not as a way to avoid the reality of the situation or to drag things on longer than is best for me or everyone else, but because I use this blog as my time to vent these frustrations. I am sorry that my musings make some of you question my motives but, honestly – if it makes you that uncomfortable then stop reading!
So how am I really doing? I think I am doing pretty darn good! I feel better than I have in a long time, and with each passing week I get better and better. I am feeling positive and upbeat again, much like my old self. I feel strong (yes, STRONG) and I realize that life goes on, and it’s up to me to make the choice to enjoy it! Sure, there are times that I am sad - I hear a song on the radio or someone will say something that takes me back to when things where “normal” (or to when I thought they were) and I will crumble. However, I am no longer dry-heaving into a bowl (wasn’t that a fun night J.C. & M.G.!!). I am excited to be exploring the “new me” and am thrilled for the adventures that lay ahead. I have realized that my dreams did not die with my husband; they still exist and they will come true, but they will not be with him. And that, my friends, is okay!
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Amen sister! That sounds like a very healthy attitude!
ReplyDeleteI think you are strong and I think you look great!
Your Halloween pictures shows the "new" you!
SJ
People in general think they know what is best for everyone else. I don't know divorce, but I do know loss. I think we all have to go at our own pace. I also think that it is okay to to still be fond of certain times in ones life. Not because you are "stuck". Some things were just fun, and it makes up who you are. Why is something that made you who you are bad? Or something you should just "Get Over". In America lots of peolpe want to have pill to make what ever the issue go away. You are doing it right. Work your way though it. That is the healthiest! I think it is awesome to have a place for you to place your emotion (this blog) and get out those negitive energies. I also enjoy working out. If you kick box you can IMAGINE beating them up! It can sound silly but that way you get rid of those energies and be doing something great for your self in the process.
ReplyDeleteYour own pace is all that's important. People tend to want someone who is hurting to "move on" so that they don't have to be "uncomfortable or inconvenienced" while you go through what you have to go through. A vast majority of us have got to be right behind you the whole way....your way. I'm glad you're feeling better and more yourself... yourself is a great person to be!
ReplyDeletegood for you!
ReplyDeleteNo, that definitely wasn't a fun night, but I would do it all over in a heartbeat if I had to. I don't regret ANYTHING about that night.
ReplyDeleteI am SO glad to see this "new self" coming out!! It's been an interesting journey so far & I can't wait to ride out the rest of it with you.