Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I sat down this evening to discuss a proposed divorce settlement (we are trying to settle rather than go to court). In addition to the financial discussion, we also talked (I mean really truly talked) for the very first time since this all began.
I said a lot of the things that I have wanted to say and to an extent finally got some of the answers I have longed for. I told him many of the things that I had realized about our relationship (noted in post “In Love with the Dream”) – and he felt remarkably similar. I went on to say though that this DID NOT IN ANY WAY excuse his actions and that it was “very hurtful” that he had an affair rather than just talking to me about how he felt. He said that he understood that and that he would handle things differently if he were to do it over. (Not exactly an apology, but probably the closest I will ever get.) He also admitted many of the things I had speculated about… he had no intention of me ever finding out about his affair and that he had been “living in the moment” and did not go into his relationship with her with the intention of getting a divorce from me. I talked about the fact that I felt like he had been living a double life and that I couldn’t understand why he continued to plan for a future with me if he was so unhappy. He said that it wasn’t that he was unhappy but that he doesn’t think marriage is right for him (odd that it took him 7 years of marriage to figure that one out) and that he can’t see himself ever getting married again. The real stunner was that he didn’t want kids and that even though he had thought he did when we got married, he realized later that he actually didn’t. Wow!!
It’s kind of strange but I now have such a feeling of peace.
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Even though it may have brought you as much hurt as it did understanding, it is great to know that you have gotten some closure from talking to your Soon To Be Mr. Ex.
ReplyDeletei find it odd that he doesnt want kids but the woman with whom he chose to help destroy your marriage has one? Must have no intention on staying with her...i wonder if he will think that it was worth all he lost some day, esp with his unwillingness to seek counseling with you as a couple?! all i know is that you are a better person for this happening. although it has been painful and hurtful i think you have grown so much as a woman, an independant woman! You should be sooooo proud of how well you have handled yourself. Stand tall strong chick! You are better than he EVER deserved!
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