One Wish

If I could have one wish it would be for my husband to realize that this is all a mistake. He would realize that this isn’t what he wants and that it never was. He would tell me that he was wrong and that he is sorry. He would tell me he wants to try and work things out; it would not be a guarantee but at least a willingness to try. He would agree to go to counseling together. He would stop communicating with/seeing her. He would realize that every marriage has ups and downs but that you stand behind your marriage vows and you don’t just throw away a life together without ever trying to repair the damage. I am angry that he never communicated anything with me, that he never told me he was unhappy and even more that he acted like he was happy. I want to know when the truth stopped and the lies began. Was it two months ago? Two years ago? Was anything ever true?

I am a person who believes that everything happens for a reason, but I cannot find the reason in this. I truly cannot. Our God is loving and I cannot understand why a loving God would allow me to feel so much pain. I said in one of my first posts that when my husband and I first met I prayed and turned it over to God, knowing that if he and I were meant to be HE would make it happen. Why did HE lead our two lives to take one path if this were to be the end result?