Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me
My family and friends will kill me for saying this, but there is still a part of me that keeps wishing that my husband will recognize that the life he is throwing away is nothing like the one he will be getting in return and that this alone will be enough to make him realize the mistake he is making. One of my best friends posed a question to me yesterday via email, “If your husband were to come home today and say that he’d changed his mind; he’ll cut off ALL ties with her, he’ll go to counseling and work through this… would you take him back?” My response to her was, “Sadly, yes I probably would. How sick is that!?” I feel like Meredith from seasons past of Grey’s Anatomy where she is pleading with Derek, “pick me, choose me, love me.” And then, as we avid fans know, Derek did choose Meredith. Why can’t real life be this way? The realistic part of me knows that the chances of this happening are slim to none, yet the romantic in me can’t stop hoping for it, wishing for it, praying for it. I’m wondering if there will always be a part of me that hopes for him to return to me, kind of like how there is always a special place in your heart for your first love.
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Remember....your heart....listen to friends and family, try to get what is good from what they say, but listen to your own heart. Don't let us make you feel guilty because you can't just flip a switch and change what's in your heart. There's not a right or wrong about what you feel. It is too easy for others to think they know what they'd feel & do in your position......they DON'T....not even if they've had a similar experience....they're not you. Instant hatred isn't something you would ever be proud of....you're too good for that. For us on the outside it looks like it would just be best if you could be mad as hell, not let the stupidity that has hit you bother you and skate right on ahead with life. You're just fine....you're allowed to wish things were different and you're allowed to grieve for what you're losing. Enuf of my preaching. Take care of you & your heart!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comment. . you are NOT "sick" for wanting him to "pick you, choose you, love you". You are taking seriously the commitment that you made and God will bless you for your energy towards fulfilling your marriage vows. I am sorry that he isn't seeing how wonderful you are, and I want the romantic side to win in this, too; however, don't beat yourself up for loving him! You are doing an AMAZING job of working through these feelings/emotions/situations, and I'm glad that I can continue praying for you by reading your blog. Stay strong in the Lord, friend. A.A., friend from C Elem. in A
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way and my next post was going to be similar... I want to be back together with him...
ReplyDelete