Through the friend of a friend of a friend sort of thing I was have acquired some pictures of her. I can’t tell you how fixated I have become on these photos (I look at them several times a day); it’s like a car accident – you don’t want to look but you can’t look away. She is nothing like me, which I suppose is good, but yet it’s also quite insulting to me as well. Mind you, I have no idea what she is like as a person other than what people have told me about her. (Although considering she has no qualms about sleeping with a married man, I can speculate on the type of person she is.) From everything I know she is like my polar opposite…
Me
• I have a masters degree; I work in a highly respected profession - teaching first grade
• I am very girly
• I am petite (5ft. 3in.)
• I have small hands
• I do not smoke
• I am pretty clean-cut and “preppy”; I do not like bars, I never have
• I have no children
Her
• I have no idea what her level of education is; however, she works on the line in a factory
• She is very “manly” (several people have described her this way to me)
• She is a tall Amazon woman
• She has giant man hands
• She smokes (which blows my mind because my husband HATES cigarette smoke)
• She appears to be very “rough” and “trashy”; she looks like someone who hangs out in dive bars a lot (hard to explain, but if you saw the pictures you would understand)
• She is a single mother to a three-year-old son (she was never married)
None of this makes any sense to me. I don’t understand how he could go from someone like me to someone like her. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t I make him happy? What does she have that I don’t?
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what you mean about being fixated on pictures of her. When I discovered the woman my ex-fiance was cheating on me with (we had been together over 5 years), I couldn't stop staring at the pictures. I was obsessed. I am petite, 5'4'', long, curly black hair, brown eyes, pale skin. At the time, I never drank, never smoked, never partied. I found out that SHE was married with two kids. She was tall, straight blonde hair, green eyes, leathery tanned. She was NOTHING like me. I couldn't have been more insulted. I still don't know what she had that I didn't. Actually, I do know. She has him, and I feel like that is a blessing in itself. The man I spent five years of my life with was a complete stranger. I found things out about him after the fact that made me cringe. Had I known the "real" him all along, we would never have gotten engaged and I never would have wasted that many years...You WILL get through this and it WILL be hard. But one day you'll find the man of your dreams and you'll be glad HE is out of your life.
ReplyDeletethis is very typical of men who have affairs. They reach for someone "lower" than them because it builds them up and makes them feel as though they are really something. Your success and beauty doesn't give him anything to feel better about himself for. Also, for a woman like her he might be "amazing!!" and a significant catch so the attention he gives her may be rather addictive to him. I'm not justifying anything by any means, just simply stating why its the pattern men follow when they have affairs. The "other woman" is NEVER better than the wife.
ReplyDeleteDear PunkRockChic,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly when you mean about feeling like the person you have been with for so long is a stranger; feel the exact same way. In many ways it makes me feel “cheated” out of the past nine years of my life. Thank you for reminding me that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and that somewhere out there the man of my dreams is waiting for me – waiting for our life together to begin.
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWhat you wrote made so much sense, and in a way helped me to understand my husband’s actions a bit more (something that he has been incapable of or unwilling to explain to me). Obviously I am not excusing his actions either, as there is never an excuse for adultery. However, what you wrote really rings true in this situation. Thank you for you wisdom!