My husband knows that he can take advantage of my emotional state. The logical part of me knows that he’s doing it, but in the moment I can’t stop myself – I get sucked right in. He came back to our house yesterday evening. At first he was civil and, to an extent even nice. However, I suspect this was a ruse and he has ulterior motives. He is planning on staying in the house with me until the divorce is final (advice from his attorney, I am sure) which could be anywhere from 91 days to 7-9 months, depending upon if we can settle or if we must go to trial. I do not understand why he feels the need to torture me by staying at the house. (Yes, I realize that legally he has just as much right to be there as I do; however, we both know that he doesn’t want to be there anymore than I want him there. Hasn’t he done enough to me already!?!?) I asked him why he couldn’t just stay at her house instead and his response was, “I own this house not that one” (again, straight from his attorney’s mouth, I’m sure). Everything that he said was just so cold, as if he were not speaking with the person he has been with for the past nine years, but rather the checkout girl at the grocery store. At one point I was crying and said, “Don’t you understand how much you have hurt me? You have hurt me worse than anyone in my life ever has and you are the one person whom I never thought would.” This would be so much easier if I could just hate him! Why can’t I do that???
One of my brothers reminded me that my husband’s sole motive is most likely to “charm me” into agreeing to something that is in his own best interests (and far from mine) because he knows I am so emotional and he can take advantage of that. In all honesty, that is probably true. I am trying to stay level headed but it’s so hard because I cannot think straight (yesterday someone asked me my phone number and I drew a complete blank, having no clue what my number was).
A very wise man gave me what is to be my new life motto: “I will always act effectively in my self interests.” I am supposed to write this on a 3x5 card and read it out loud to myself numerous times a day. God, please help me heed this new life motto and truly live by it!
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What a wonderful motto. I especially like the word, 'effectively.' Have you written it somewhere where you will see it over and over again? I agree that you should read it and remind yourself of it frequently. I will pray that you put your self interests first and foremost. Thinking of you...
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