Numb

All hope that I was holding out was dashed last night. Around 6:00PM I noticed that my husband was not wearing his wedding ring (he took it off on our anniv. but as soon as he got back home put it right back on, so he had been wearing it). I asked him where it was and he said it was at his alibi friend’s house. I asked him why and he said that he had given it to his friend because he didn’t think it was right for him to be wearing it and stringing me along. I told him I didn't understand what he was saying and he said, “I’m saying I don’t think we can work it out.” I said, “Well how do you know that when you won’t even try? Are you saying you don’t want to work it out? How do you know?” He said, “I don’t think we can work it out for a couple of reasons: 1) I think I’ve been lying to myself for a long time and 2) I really like (*insert her name*).” I said, “I can’t even believe you are saying this to me. What do you mean, what are you saying?” He then said the word I never wanted to hear, “I’m saying I want a divorce.” I was shell-shocked. I then said, “So what’s your plan? Are you going to go live with her and her 3-year-old child?” He said, “I don’t know. ‘Alibi Friend’ said I could stay at his house tonight.” He then got his wallet, keys, and phone and walked out of the house.

I was proud because I did not cry until I heard the garage door close – not one tear. But, as soon as it did I crumbled to the floor in a strange mix of guttural screaming, sobbing, and dry heaving. I called my mom and tried to explain what was happening and told her I needed her to come to my house. She said it would take awhile (she lives 3 hours away) and that I needed to call someone to come over and stay with me. I called two of my good friends and all I could say through sobs was, “Can you come to my house right now?” Both of them said yes, no questions asked. (I must say I have WONDERFUL friends!!!!!!!!!!!!) While I waited for them to arrive I called my other wonderful friend whom I have known for several years (probably my best gal pal) and she calmed me down and also called back my mom (to make sure she was coming) and her awesome hubby (also a dear friend) called both of my brothers.

After I finally calmed down (it took nearly an hour an hour and a Xanax - LOL) I decided that I would pack up enough clothes for my husband for a week, as I did not want him to just show up at the house while I was here. I put his clothes and toiletries in a box (yes, not even a suitcase – A BOX) and drove them down to her town. I had already called his alibi friends house and spoken to his wife, only to find out that my husband was not there (yet another lie he told me). I convinced my friend who was driving my car to drive by her house, not because I wanted to get out but because I needed to SEE his car there with my own eyes. She agreed on the condition that she would NOT stop the car and that if I tried to get out it would be from a moving vehicle. I agreed. We dove by and he was not there. So we went to his alibi friends house with his box of stuff. I got out of the car and handed the alibi friend (who incidentally if I have never mentioned is also his boss)the box.

He said, “Oh I get his stuff?”

I said, “Well, I went by her house and he wasn’t there so I don’t know what else to do with it.”

He said, “I think he’s staying at (* insert another coworkers name) house.”

I said, “Well I don’t know where he lives.”

He said, “Ok.”

I said, “There are enough clothes in here for him to last the whole week. I don’t want him to come back for the rest of that time. You will need to let him know because I did not tell him I was bringing his things down here.”

He said, “Ok. I am really sorry.”

I said, “Yah, me too.” I then got back in the car and my friend drove us away. I was proud that I acted classy (not trashy).


I am standing in a world that no longer makes sense. I have cried every tear and screamed until I was hoarse. I am numb.