It’s amazing how much your life can change in the span of a month. One month ago today my life as I knew it began spiraling out of control. It’s hard to believe it’s only been a month, it truly feels like years have come and gone. For some reason an indescribable feeling of sadness has come over me. Here’s the weird thing, I’m still really angry too. How is it possible for a person to be sad and angry all at once? Sangry, that’s what I am. (Yes, I just invented a new word: "sangry” – an interwoven combination of sadness and anger.)
I am sangry because this is not the life I had planned. On the verge of thirty my husband and I were to be starting a family; I wasn’t to be starting over. I don’t want to be starting over – I don’t want to be at this place in life, even if it is for the better. That makes me very sangry! I am sangry that he is living out my dream with her and her child! I am sangry that my husband is not the man that I thought he was. Where is the man I fell in love with – what happened to him? Am I really that poor a judge of character or did he have all of us fooled? I truly do realize that I deserve so much better than the man he pretended to be, yet that doesn’t make me any less sangry. I feel like I’m grieving over a life that never truly existed and that makes me sangry too because I cannot make sense of it.
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this is not the father figure you want in your children's lives. And yes, it WILL still happen. You will be amazed at what comes to you when you don't expect it.
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