I have been thinking a lot over the past several weeks about if I should keep my married name or go back to my maiden name. This is a very difficult decision. My maiden name is very common; for the purposes of this post we’ll say it was “Smith” (yes, it’s really that common). My married name, on the other hand, is quite unique; for the purposes of this post we’ll say it is “Waechter” (yes, it really is that unique – no one can ever spell it correctly, and most cannot pronounce it either, but in many ways that has made it endearing).
When my husband and I got married we registered at Target and there were 46 other “Bewilderd Smiths” registered as well (no joke). I was thrilled to be changing to such a unique last name. So unique in fact, that my husband’s family is the only Waechters in the United States (the rest are in Germany and Australia). When I posed the question to one of my brothers as to which name I should go with he responded with, “Well are you really a Waechter?” To which I responded, “No, I am a Smith!” It might be nice to rid myself of my husband AND his name. On the other hand, I feel like a “Waechter” (not in my actions, but in a way that it is my name). Everything I have has the name Waechter on it – from my drivers license and social security card to my teaching license and the masters degree diploma I received in mid September. I realize all of these things can be changed; however, there is also the issue that professionally I am known only by this name and have been since my first day of teaching. I have worked in three different school district; two of which are fairly prominent in the state. This means that all of the professional connections I have made have been with the name “Waechter”. So how would I deal with this? And, if I did keep my married name would I still be called “Mrs. Waechter” or would I be “Ms. Waechter”? (Not that it would really matter anyway, as first graders will call me “Mrs.” regardless of what my last name is – they don’t understand the distinction.)
I remember how odd it used to feel when I would say my name was “Bewildered Waechter” but now it feels just as odd to say “Bewildered Smith”. In a way, both feel wrong; how can that be?
I know it ultimately has to be a decision that I make for myself. But, please give me your opinion. (I wish I knew how to set up a voting poll, but since I don’t know how – please post a comment, even if it’s just one name or the other!) If you were me would you stay with “Waechter” or go back to “Smith”?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
What would you do if you ever remarried? Take a new name? If so, I would keep Waechter for now. If not, I would go back to Smith.
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on what you want, I personally would want to "Cleanse" my self in every way from him. I guess, I would not want to share a last name with him and her or a different "Her" (When his WTH moves on) and feel tied to him still. I guess if you were sitting with me right now I would ask which do you feel more proud of. May be I am weird but I am proud of who I was before, just as I am proud of who I am now. Who do you feel more like your self as? (Changing names feels very "identity odd" doesn't it!?!)
ReplyDeleteIt can cause confusion and involves a plethora of paperwork to change your name, so if yours were a relatively amiable divorce, I'd think that it might be easiest to keep Waechter, at least for the short term. If you had minor children, I'd suggest that you stick with Waechter. However, if your husband remarries, there will be another Mrs. Waechter and that could trigger a major identity crisis for you. Smith may be a common name, but you are unique. It seems to me that returning to Smith would give you a cleaner break and better enable you to move forward.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the last comment. Get rid of the Waechter, and all the negative crap that goes along with it. Remember... you got that Cubs fan out. *laugh* Get his name out too. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree. Do you really want to sign that last name daily as a CONSTANT reminder?! It's going to be a lot of work making the switch, just as it is when we get married. But do what you can to be rid of what you can. Also, I find that many divorced men almost take it as a compliment when women want to keep their name. SEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAA buddy, I want nothing of you!!! Take that unique name and shove it :)
ReplyDeleteI agree! As someone who went through something similar, I would think of him when writing my name and it drove me nuts. I was SO thankful to change it and it was all that much work!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Waechter...so I would stick to that name. We need all the Waechters we can get.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all...that last comment is so crazy and ironic!!!! I wonder if they were already following your blog of if they found it somehow!!! Haha! I would get rid of your married name. Even though I am so very used to my married name it binds me completely with my husband (as its intent). Just as people adjust to a married name in a matter of months they will do the same with your maiden name (again!).
ReplyDeletewell being a "smith" and very very proud that you are too to keep be sane in this crazy "smith" family, but i honestly think that you should do what you think is best for you and what your heart tells you to do.
ReplyDeleteif it was me i would porbably change it because i would not want the constand reminder of someone calling you by that last name forever because you know now that everytime somone calls u "Bewildered Waechter" or "ms.Waechter" then somewhere in the back in your mind it will take you to that time.
love you!
JMJ
I agree with the other cooments that it is really up to you but that you might have less reminders of your ex if you go back to your maiden name. I am just wondering if right now is the best time to do it? You may want to wait a bit longer until emotions aren't so raw. It may be easier to plan the change around your teaching. For example, if you keep you current name until the end of the school year you can make a clean break and come back next year with your maiden name. You may get less questions from students this way too. Just an idea, but ultimately you should do what you feel will be the best for you.
ReplyDeleteI'd go back to Smith. Your name represents your family, who you "belong" to. When you are born, you take your family's name. When you get married, you take your husbands name, representing your move into a new family. Since you and your husband will no longer be a family, I would go back to your maiden name.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest going with Smith. From experience, it is a pain to change your name back...license, bills, on and on and on, but for me at least, it was necessary for the finality of what needed to be done to set in...and plus, you are a Smith.
ReplyDelete