Moving On Via the Humor Train

I have heard numerous times (well before I myself was in this situation) that individuals going through divorce experience stages of grief, just as someone who is dealing with a death. This makes a lot of sense. I am grieving the loss of my husband, just not in a mortal sense; I am also grieving the loss of our marriage. A little known fact is that there are several different models for the stages of grief, ranging from three to seven stages. The most well known model for the stages of grief is that of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, which was detailed in her book On Death and Dying.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

The thing about these stages is that they are generally not sequential, but rather circular. Every person moves through the stages of grief at their own pace – people can get “stuck” in stages and others can move back and forth between them. The point of this is that everyone deals with grief in their own way and no one way is right or wrong.

I am primarily dealing with my situation through humor (and with wine… which is from God; thanks to my friend Anita who brought this to my attention!!) That doesn’t mean that I don’t hurt, that I don’t cry, or that I am not trying to “get over it”. But quite simply, “getting over it” is a process and it is much easier said than done. I have been hurt deeply, but I can no longer wallow in a pit of despair. I am not making light of events that have happened or empowering my husband by fixating on what has transpired and poking fun at him, her, or the totality of the situation. The majority of you understand this, but a few of you do not. I make no apologies for this. No one can judge me or tell me how to deal with this until they have walked in my shoes. Truly I pray that none of you will walk in these shoes; however, until you do don’t tell me how I should handle this. What works for you may not be what works for me and, quite honestly if you asked me how I would handle this situation before I was in it, I would have told you something entirely different than what I am actually doing. Don’t tell me that what I am doing is wrong or that it is “juvenile” or that I have to stop doing something. This is what it is, as crappy as it may be, and this is how I can best handle it. THANK YOU to those of you who understand this and who support me – you are truly wonderful and I love you and your support more than you know!