It's strange how I can feel so calm and hopeful one minute and then just completely fall apart the next. I have been sitting here crying uncontrollably - the wailing guttural moaning kind and I just can't stop. It's raining here and I just feel like the rain is really my tears, pouring down for all to see and hear and feel. I had a computer question (about this blog actually) and I picked up my phone without even thinking to call my husband - the person who knows all about computers and can fix anything. And then I realized what I was doing and I hung up. I called a friend of one of my brothers to get his help saying, "I have a computer question and I didn't know who else to call". He kind of laughed and said, "And you didn't call your husband?" It shocked me for a moment, but then I realized why wouldn't he ask me this, he doesn't know there is anything going on and yes, my husband would have been the natural person to call. The only response I could give him is, "No, I didn't call him."
Someone asked me yesterday if I was more angry or hurt and I told them I really don't know - it changes minute by minute, but I guess mostly I am just hurting. I keep asking WHY??? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??? THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!!! My mind is racing with all of these questions, both things I feel I MUST know the answers to but also things that I know I probably don't want to know. I am consumed by thoughts of what will happen when he goes to the counselor today at 4:00 and what the outcome of this will bring. I honestly do not think I am strong enough to get through this - I just don't.
Please pray!!! Pray for my srength to get through this. Pray for clarity and guidance for him and me. Pray that we will find our way back to each other again.
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Dear Bewildered,
ReplyDeleteI have been thru this exact situation and sincerely feel for you. I know the hurt, anger, frustration, and not knowing is totally consuming. I wish I could make it all go away. You need to realize that no matter how things turn out in the long run, life goes on and you will get thru this. You are stronger than you think, I know.
I am not a religious person, but I am praying for you. Remember your friends and family are here for you even when you feel all alone.
Keep your chin up. You have done nothing wrong. The ball is in his court.
Dear Bewildered,
ReplyDeleteI will pray. I will pray like crazy. I will pray that God's peace is upon you as you go through this. That He would be your fortress and your fulfillment. I will pray that God would get a hold of your husband. That God would open his eyes and make him see that love is a choice and marriage is a commitment. I will pray that God would open the other woman's eyes and make her see the gravity of her sin. I will pray that God will comfort you and keep you and lift you up and hold you. And that He would restore your marriage and give you wisdom.
Thoughts and prayers,
Katie
Dear Bewildered,
ReplyDeleteI have read your entire blog and want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Know that you ARE strong enough to get through this. During difficult times, I try to remember that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. This too shall pass.
Lindsay