I have often heard people say that there is a thin line between love and hate but I never really understood what that meant until now. It was six months and two days ago when this journey began. Besides being utterly shell-shocked, I can honestly say that when I started this blog I was truly in love with Soon-To-Be Mr. Ex and wanted more than anything to make our marriage work. I remember all the times I sat, tears streaming down my face, blogging my heart out about these feelings and pleading with all of you to pray that he and I would find our way back to each other. Now, I don’t even know that person whom I used to be. In fact, sitting here now I am actually wondering - what the hell was I thinking?
I no longer see whatever it was that originally attracted me to Soon-To-Be Mr. Ex. He is truly like some kind of alien. He no longer acts like the person I knew. He speaks differently, he looks differently, and he even likes things which are polar opposite of things he used to like. In fact, some of the things he now likes are things that he once mocked (case in point, you should see the house that he recently bought in the town were he works!). The funny thing is I can deal with all of this because in all honesty it does nothing but solidifies the fact that the demise of our marriage was the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. (Praise God for His infinite wisdom!)
The thing I can’t deal with; however, is how ass-ish (yes, I just made up that word) Soon-To-Be Mr. Ex has become. He has yet to take responsibility for his actions, he has little regard for anyone but himself, and he is one of the most stubborn individuals I have ever met. I swear, he knows how to get under my skin and I truly believe that he goes out of his way to do those things. Seriously, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?!
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Blm Mom #2 here. Having walked a similar mile but not ending up in the same place as you, I'll give you my take. The need for Soon To Be Mr. Ex to feel some remorse and responsibility for hurting you and the demise of your marriage is, logically....but unfortunately....your need. The need not to have done anything wrong, to use the excuse "things change", "people change" blah, blah, blah, is his way of not seeing himself being wrong in any way. A counselor told me that people in his situation are wanting to make a change in THEIR life and sadly, their logic leads them to believe that their relationship is the easiest thing to alter. Again....a lot of differences in our similarities, but it took realizing how many people were actually hurt and affected by his actions for my person to realize how much of a lie, "this is between me & you and has nothing to do with anyone else" really is. Then he could see the pain for me & started to hurt himself....badly, because of all the hurt that was spread around due to his thoughtless-ness ...talk to me before you go make a new life... give me a chance to weigh in ...but they don't because they're afraid they'd know they were wrong....Because he wanted to feel better on any level, Soon To Be Mr. Ex can't accept that the way he went about "feeling better" is WRONG on so many levels. Long story short, they lie to themself & have no intention of seeking the truth, because that will hurt THEM and they don't want to FEEL. I know they probably feel bad to see us cry and be so confused, but they rationalize it so easily....it'll be best in the long run. I can tell you that I truly believe that he will still be seeking what he needs to be happy for a long time, until he realizes that his problem is HIM, in HIM, not you and not your marriage. He's gonna have it different, but it won't be right until he does accept what his actions caused. Don't know if any of this helps a bit....probably helps me to reinforce that we got there, but I so recall feeling like you describe. HANG IN THERE!! Love you
ReplyDeleteI think it has more to do with them moving towards something new than them really thinking about leaving or moving away from their current situation. They are so caught up in it that it really doesn't affect their thoughts or feelings and especially not someone else's.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog and it's nice to see where you have ended up at this point in your journey
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