Hello/Goodbye

I saw my husband’s family last night for the first time since all of this began. It was a good time – the kids trick-or-treated, we ate, we talked, we laughed, my father-in-law took pictures; it was normal and comforting. I felt like I belonged, yet that there was a big elephant in the room that no one dared to speak of. When my husband’s parents left I hugged them goodbye and part of me wondered if it was my final goodbye to the two of them. As much as they are disgusted with my husband’s actions they are his parents and they will not turn their backs on their son, nor would I ever expect or want them to. It is odd how people who were once so integral in your life can suddenly become people whom you simply send a Christmas card to once a year.

Haunting My Dreams (AGAIN!!!)

I had dream about her again the other night. I went down to the town that she lives (and works with my husband) in to meet her so we could talk. I asked her how everything with my husband got started… Who perused who; how it transformed from a random fling into an affair; and what he had told her about me and our marriage. I never actually HEARD her answers, but after we talked I felt a lot better.

To an extent this random dream inspired me. I am sitting here contemplating writing her a letter and asking of her the questions which my husband refuses to answer. Who knows, maybe one of these days I actually will.

God’s Plan

I love my class this year! Believe it or not, this is not always the case. Sure, I always like them but some years we just click more than others. So, it says a lot when I tell you that I can say without a doubt, aside from the class I had my very first year of teaching, this group is my favorite hands down! Not a day goes by that one of my first graders does not hug me, tell me they love me, or tell me how pretty I am. They are such amazing little self-esteem boosters and they don’t even know it! My group this year is far more innocent than I have had in the past – they truly believe that our Zero the Hero puppet comes alive every 10th day and they take such joy in the smallest of things – stories, songs, scented stickers, and the fact that I call them names like “punkin” and “sweetpea”. The thing about this group is they are a little needier than usual. Normally this would drive me nuts, but honestly I think it’s exactly what I needed. I truly believe that God gave me this specific group of students this year because these little six and seven-year-olds held the power to pull me out of the pit I was drowning in. As much as they love and need me, the truth is that I love and need them even more.

Silence Ensues

My husband barley speaks to me. Granted, I don’t want to hear about his evening with her; however, I would like him to at least be cordial. He no longer initiates communication, and in fact, acts as if he is in pain responding to my “hello” and “good morning”, if he even responds at all. It’s funny how I used to be annoyed with his “nothing has changed” attitude and now I am equally annoyed with this. Maybe I am just annoyed with HIM! I would like to think that he is beginning to regret the decisions he made and that explains his sudden coldness, but in truth it is more likely due to the fact that he knows the loathing I have for silent treatment and he’s trying to get under my skin.

Cosmic Foreshowing

In January 2007 I lost the center stone from my wedding ring, prongs and all. At the time, as you can imagine, I was quite distraught. After all, who ever heard of the entire head of a wedding ring falling off? Sure, diamonds fall out all of the time – but the prongs are still there! Obviously we got it fixed and my wedding set is beautifully intact; however, in retrospect I now wonder if this was some kind of weird cosmic foreshadowing. What do you think?

SASSY Song Sunday: Lucky For You by SHeDAISY

No more sappy songs! I'm changing these posts to Sassy Song Sunday! Today’s song is Lucky For You by SHeDAISY. It does a great job of explaining the gamut of emotions, both positive and negative, that I have toward my husband. Plus, the video makes me laugh every time!

The Number 23

Whenever I am asked what my favorite number is, I reply 23. I am not sure why but I have always liked it. In fact, when I was a little girl I used to say it was my “lucky number”. There was a movie that came out a few years ago called The Number 23. After my husband and I watched the movie he began to notice things in our life that were signified by the number 23, just like the main character in the movie. For example our street number plus house number adds up to the number 23. In addition, the number 23 marked important dates in our life together…

* Eight years ago today on October 23, 2001 my husband asked me to be his wife.

* 30 years and two months ago today on August 23, 1979 my husband was born.

And now, in addition to these monuments 23s I can also say that…

* Two months ago today on August 23, 2009 I found out of my husband’s infidelity.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been two months since my world exploded leaving shards of my broken life strewn about. In some ways it feels like 23 years have passed since that fateful day; although in other ways it seems like it was only 23 hours ago. Although I may have to rethink whether the number 23 is any longer my favorite number, I cannot argue with the fact that is certainly does have significance in my life.