Girls Weekend

I’ve heard from some of my regular readers (you know who you are – LOL!!) that I have been slacking on my posting. I’ll admit it, I have. So, this week I will do my best to update you on some of the things that have been going on with me…

I had a wonderful girls weekend last week ~ shopping, lunching, an amazing massage (thank you SJ for treating), and a hilarious evening at the Blue Moon Dueling Pianos Bar. One of the things they do at the bar is post a “phrase of the night” on a mirror behind one of the pianos. The first phrase costs $1 and then you have to pay one dollar more to change the phrase each time. During the evening we had a good riddance toast (with super yummy martinis – I highly recommend the “parrot”, or what others might call the “patriot” hahahah) to Soon To Be Mr. Ex and then a few of my pals paid to have this put up as a surprise for me…




(Thanks ladies for keeping the humor train moving!!)

The Answers I’ve Been Waiting For

Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I sat down this evening to discuss a proposed divorce settlement (we are trying to settle rather than go to court). In addition to the financial discussion, we also talked (I mean really truly talked) for the very first time since this all began.

I said a lot of the things that I have wanted to say and to an extent finally got some of the answers I have longed for. I told him many of the things that I had realized about our relationship (noted in post “In Love with the Dream”) – and he felt remarkably similar. I went on to say though that this DID NOT IN ANY WAY excuse his actions and that it was “very hurtful” that he had an affair rather than just talking to me about how he felt. He said that he understood that and that he would handle things differently if he were to do it over. (Not exactly an apology, but probably the closest I will ever get.) He also admitted many of the things I had speculated about… he had no intention of me ever finding out about his affair and that he had been “living in the moment” and did not go into his relationship with her with the intention of getting a divorce from me. I talked about the fact that I felt like he had been living a double life and that I couldn’t understand why he continued to plan for a future with me if he was so unhappy. He said that it wasn’t that he was unhappy but that he doesn’t think marriage is right for him (odd that it took him 7 years of marriage to figure that one out) and that he can’t see himself ever getting married again. The real stunner was that he didn’t want kids and that even though he had thought he did when we got married, he realized later that he actually didn’t. Wow!!

It’s kind of strange but I now have such a feeling of peace.

Divorce Cake

One of my very favorite shows is Cake Boss on TLC. It amazes me what Buddy and his staff can do with cake! I recently stumbled upon “Divorce Cakes”. Although this is not a Carlo’s Bakery creation, it’s still a pretty good one!

Sassy Song Sunday: Goodbye Earl by The Dixie Chicks

Today’s song is Goodbye Earl by The Dixie Chicks. The video makes me laugh, but since I couldn’t post it I found this one with a group of friends making their own spoof and lip-syncing – very funny! Whether he is a beater (like "Earl") or a cheater (like Soon To Be Mr. Ex) I certainly DO NOT advocate “offing” the guy! This song to me is about friendship – the friends that are there for you when you really need them just like Mary Ann is for Wanda. So I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to all my Mary Anns!!

What I’m Looking For

In light of my recent self-revelation, I decided I should probably figure out what it is that I’m really looking for. Every female has a picture of their “perfect man” – it might be that they have a specific look or certain personality traits, or a combination of the two. As I evaluate my life and think about what I truly do want in a man, I’ve realized that there are five things that I am looking for…

1) A nice guy ~ but not one who is all Mr. Rodgers. I want someone who is both a “mans man” when he’s with his buddies and a give you the shirt off his back kind of person. (Do guys like this exist in real life or only in the movies?)

2) Someone who makes me laugh.

3) Someone who values his family.

4) Someone who likes kids.

5) Someone who is ambitious with a passion for life.


Pretty simple, don’t you think? (If you know any single guys in the age range of 29-39 who meet these "criteria", please send them my way!)

So, my dear readers, is anyone else up for describing their “perfect man”?

In Love with the Dream

I was home sick today, which left me with lots of time for reflection. Here is what I realized… There is a distinct difference between loving someone and being in love with them and honestly, I don’t think I have been “in love” with my husband for some time. (Incidentally, I no longer like referring to him as “my husband”, so let’s call him “Soon To Be Mr. Ex”.) Let me be completely clear, I believe strongly that marriage is about a commitment and I was and would have remained 100% committed to my marriage and Soon To Be Mr. Ex until the day that I died. I am not ashamed to say that I wholeheartedly wanted to work things out with him and I was committed to doing so if he would have agreed. I would have never done what he did and, while I am no longer angry I am not yet in a place to say that I can forgive him for his actions. However, I have gained the ability to step back and look at the situation for what it is. At some point you have to ask yourself when do you stop wishing your significant other would act a certain way or be a certain way. When do you realize that you either accept the person for who they are/have become or you move on. You cannot force someone to be a person that they are not, that’s not fair to them or to you. In college Soon To Be Mr. Ex and I made a great couple, we had fun and life was easy. But as the years have passed we have become less and less of a “perfect match”. Quite honestly, I often found myself wishing he were someone else – not in the way that I had a certain person in mind, but in that there were certain characters and actions that I longed for in my mate as I got older, which he simply didn’t possess. If I can say I feel this way, I have no doubt that he's had some of these same feelings as well.

I have realized that, while I may no longer have been in love with Soon To Be Mr. Ex, I was in love with the dream. It’s no secret, I am a Type A personality – I always have a plan and it’s hard for me to deviate from that (while “new me” is certainly trying to embrace spontaneity and realize that it is OK not have a plan for everything in life!!!) I was in love with a dream that I thought we were both living, but in truth that’s not the case. I was in love with something that didn’t truly exist and admitting that makes me feel very powerful! I can tell you with absolute certainty, while this was not “in the plan” I now am beginning to believe that it was the best thing that could have ever happened.

The Name Game

Well, dear readers, you’ll all be glad to know that I have made a decision in the great debate over keeping my married name, which we will call “Waechter” or taking back my maiden name, which we will call “Smith”.

I appreciate all of you who weighed in on the issue and gave your two-cents. I considered each of your opinions as I tried to decipher my own. One commenter asked me to consider which name I was more proud of. Quite honestly, I have done nothing to dishonor either name – I feel proud of myself as both names. Oddly enough, I associate the name “Waechter” with my “teacher self” rather than my “married self”, perhaps because in “teacher world” I am known more by my last name than my first.

However, what it came down to was this… I am obviously not looking for a serious relationship right away. I want to take things slow and figure out who I am while having some fun. But, I am only 29 and do expect that at some point I will get married again. It may sound silly, but I want to start that new life with my future husband without the visual reminder of my past for all of our friends and family to see on our wedding invitations and programs. With that said, the verdict is in… I’m going to back to “Smith”. (JMJ – are you super pumped, or what!?)